Life is Relationship

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Every civilization in every age has attempted to pin it down in every possible way, but it remains as elusive as ever.  And yet, in spite of our difficulties to define it, we feel pleasantly stirred by relationships that exist, say, between two persons, between two chimps, between a person and his pet, between the sky and the earth below, between the flowing river and a boatman dipping his oar in it as he returns home in the setting sun, in getting thoroughly wet in a drenching rain, or in imbuing silence in the core of our attention without a sliver of thought sandwiched in between. We cannot touch it, and yet, it is there touching us like the smell of earth after a sudden fresh shower: we can feel it only if we are there to feel it. In it, existence is celebrated; without it, life is a routine without any discovery.

An individual can never feel secure as long as he is isolating himself from the rest of the world.  There is no way that an individual can be free from fear, loneliness and anxiety so long as the cause of the problem is not deeply understood.  The understanding of the cause is the ending of the cause.  Truth can come into being only when the false is seen as the false.

The other day I was talking to a young couple.  The wife complained that the husband gets angry even on trivial issues and is unable to control his anger.  I asked the boy why he gets angry.  He said, “I get angry because I get hurt when she says something I don’t like.”  I asked him what exactly gets hurt because the word “I” stands for his whole body and the mind.  For example when there is pain in the leg you say my leg is hurting or when you have pain in the finger you say my finger is hurting.  He was a little perplexed.  Evidently he had never confronted this question before.  He, however, said that he had some beliefs, some values and if someone says something that is contrary to his beliefs he gets hurt. 

The husband ought to know that when he gets angry his wife does not like him and when the wife does not like him he gets upset again.  So the anger comes back to him.  We all need to know that the anger is not confined to one particular person.  We all get angry when our belief system is challenged.  It is, therefore, of utmost importance that we should understand anger and know what exactly gets hurt.  When we look at anger we should be free from any feeling of justification or guilt.  We need to use our capacity for rational, objective and unbiased thinking and also our capacity for pure observation.  Pure observation means to see things as they actually are.  In full attention and awareness we can see thought as it arises in the mind.  We can see the source of that thought.  

There is a clear distinction between the tree and the word “tree”.   The word is used as a means of communication.  We can always see the tree without the word.   Same way the word “I” stands for my physical body and everything that is contained in my brain.  The brain is the storehouse of knowledge, memory and experience.  Brain has the capacity to think and respond to various challenges in life.   We ought to be able to make a clear distinction between the word “I” and the thing it stands for. The word “I” is only a means of communication. But this is not what is actually taking place in our mind. 

In our mind there is a psychological entity called the “I”, the “me”, the “self”.   Our own thinking creates this “I” and treats it as a real entity.   This is done through the process of attachment and identification.   Thinking is changing all the time.  It is in the state of movement.  For its own stability and security thinking creates in the mind a permanent entity.  Thinking has devised ways to keep this entity secure, stable and permanent.  Thinking establishes its continuity by identifying it with something or the other.  It is identified with something greater which it feels is secure and permanent.  Without the process of identification and attachment there is no entity called the “I”.    

The amazing thing about the “self” is that it is made up of words, symbols, images, ideas, opinions and beliefs.  But it has acquired immense significance.  Our life is governed by it.  We protect the “self” the same way as we protect the body.  There is automatic response if there is any challenge to my “self-esteem” or to my “self-image”.   Thought has created in the mind an everlasting need for psychological security.  Even an utterance of a word that is contrary to what I believe to be true can hurt my feelings very badly. Attachment to ideas, things and some special people give us only a false sense of security because such security is always under threat.  So we always live in perpetual fear. 

 In many people the significance of “Self” goes far beyond the attachment to the body or to material things.  They are ready even to sacrifice their own life in order to protect the “self” not knowing that the “self” is contained in their own brain cells as a result of influence, indoctrination, and conditioning of the mind by the propaganda of the priests and politicians.  

We need to very carefully look at all the implications of the man made mind. Identification with ideas, opinions and beliefs brings about division and creates conflict at all levels of human relationship.  There is obvious fallacy in the whole divisive process.  People are caught in self-created illusion.  This illusion is the cause of human ignorance. Not being aware of the facts or ignoring the facts and clinging to ideas brings about ignorance.  It is an undeniable fact that basically, fundamentally human beings are the same yet each one has a very strong feeling that he is different from others.  Unfortunately even the religions encourage and strengthen this feeling.  At the physical level the differences are obvious and must be appreciated.  But are we different from each other psychologically?

All human beings, irrespective of color, caste, creed, sex, religion or nationality face the same life of pleasure, pain and sorrow.  We are all fearful, uncertain and feel insecure.  Our perceptions and responses to challenges of life and our basic urges, desires and demands are similar.  We get influenced the same way.  Below the layers of superficial cultural differences runs the same stream of selfishness and self-centeredness.  Each person is pursuing ambition, greed and self-fulfillment.  Each person is concerned with himself.  Psychologically we get hurt the same way.  Each one protects the image that he has created about himself.  Our beliefs may be different but the reason why we believe in something or the other is the same.  The reason being the need for security created by the “self” that is insecure by its very nature.  

Existing human situation makes it abundantly clear that a fundamental change must take place in the human consciousness if we want to live in peace and harmony with each other.  Only a profound understanding can bring about inward revolution.  A person who is serious must pay attention to the way he thinks and acts.  Self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom.  At present our perceptions are based on the knowledge, memory and experience that we have accumulated on the basis of false premises.  A person who is serious must drop the entire load of accumulation and look anew.  The very pause to look is a significant new step. Your comments are most welcome.    

Contact: sardarsingh@msn.com

When we look at the mountain from a distance, we are captivated by its grandeur, majesty, and beauty.  We feel joyful and peaceful.  This joy and peace is not the result of effort, will or desire.  We mentioned earlier how the two year old twins at the lake responded when they saw the ducks.  Both were dancing with joy.  We can call this the dance of life. Parents of the children were part of this dance.  Luckily because I was there, I was also participating in this dance. The whole cosmos, the sun, the air, the weather, the lake, the trees and the birds were making this dance possible.  The joy was not the result of an achievement of a goal set by thinking.  

 No doubt human beings are endowed with the power of thinking.  But they are also endowed with abilities that are beyond the process of thinking.  Human potential is beyond any limit. Human beings have the energy that is the very source of life on earth.  They have the ability to enjoy the beauty of the earth and experience the mystery of life.  They have the ability to see things as they actually are without the involvement of memory and thought.  In this state of awareness thought completely ceases.  In this state of intelligence we gain insight into different areas of life.  Albert Einstein said, “I never came upon any of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking.”  

 Human beings have the ability to experience the mystery of life in the form of love that is unconditional and without any cause.  In this state of love there is bliss and peace.  Life is relationship.  I am related one way or the other, intimately or remotely, to nature and to all human beings.  The state of my physical, mental and spiritual health depends to a large extent on the quality of my relationships with nature and fellow human beings.  Right relationship means to respond accurately, which means to respond with love and care.  

Now the question arises why human beings are not able to live in peace and harmony with nature and with each other?  Why there is so much conflict, misery and sorrow in the world?  Why there is lack of love, compassion, affection and care? Why hate, anger, fear, violence, greed and jealousy have become so much dominant factors in our life?  Why  there is so much poverty, injustice and degradation?   By the power of thinking human beings made tremendous progress in the field of science and technology. Same instrument of thought is being used to bring about self destruction.  Is there a way out of this mess?  

The quest for intelligent living and the search for a better society is perhaps as old as man himself.  Saints and philosophers examined life from different angles and prescribed codes of conduct.  Psychologists carried out research into the conscious and subconscious mind and provided a plethora of findings on the basis of detailed analysis.  But the fact is that despite all the knowledge and experience accumulated through centuries man has not been able to produce a harmonious and healthy society.  Technological progress has further complicated matters.  More and more education instead of helping man is making the situation still worse.  All the ideological and management approaches to the problems have failed.  It needs to be examined what is wrong in all the attempts to make life better and worth living. 

Let us take the case of current world-wide economic crisis.  Media calls this as our issue number one.  How did we respond to the situation?  First of all only some individuals here and there have been blamed for the crisis.  These include some top executives and business people in the financial market and some home buyers who got the loans which they could not even afford to pay.  Lack of regulations was also cited as one of the reasons.  US government and politicians moved quickly to fix the problem.  Stimulus Plan to boost the economy was worked out.  It is said that new laws to regulate the financial market will be enforced and everything will be alright in due course.   

Although it has been mentioned in the media over and over again that greed is at the root of this economic mess, yet very little attention has been paid to the basic cause of the problem.  Greed is taken for granted.  We say it is part of human nature and then forget about it.  It is believed that new rules and regulations will take care of this problem.  Past history clearly shows that greed always overpowers.  Cunning, clever and greedy people, including the politician, always find ways to bypass the rules.  The tragedy is that we do not see the gravity and the depth of the problem.  Greed is not confined to just a small percentage of population.  If each person carefully looks at his mind he will find that in so many subtle ways his actions are guided by greed.    

Greed transcends racial, religious and national differences arising out of cultural conditioning of the mind.  Priests and preachers of all faiths who claim to be the custodians of ethics and morality mechanically repeat what others in the past centuries have said about greed.  They tell people not to be greedy but they themselves are the most greedy people on earth because they mint money not by doing any constructive work but by simply preaching what they themselves do not do. 

Our problems continue because we do not see them clearly.  We do not see clearly because our minds are befogged with ideas, opinions, beliefs, conclusions and influences.  So the first step is to use our ability of pure and objective observation that helps us to see things as they actually are.  The challenge is to drop the entire load of accumulation and look anew.  The very pause to take a fresh look is a significant new step.  Clarity of perception is our top priority.  When we are looking at the problems we need to make sure that we are concerned with facts only. In our dialogue we should move from fact to fact and not from one idea to another idea.  Please do respond with your comments or questions.   

Sardar Singh

sardarsingh@msn.com

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Generally I go for a walk around the lake which is very close to our house. One day I met a young couple who had come to the lake along with their two daughters. I was told that the kids were two years old and identical twins. I was fascinated to see the way the children responded when they saw the ducks in the lake. Both of them were very much excited and full of joy and happiness. They would go close to the ducks but would immediately back off. They played this game for quite some time. I think it is worthwhile to ask, why are we not able to maintain the same sense of freedom and happiness throughout our life? 

Human brain has unbounded intellectual potential and an amazing power of the mind. Because of this potential human beings have made tremendous progress in the field of science and technology. Resources and ingenuity have been mobilized to create variety of goods and services. But in the bargain we have lost innocence and our capability to enjoy life. We have miserably failed in creating a healthy and harmonious relationship with each other. The state of my physical, mental and spiritual health depends to a large extent on the quality of my relationship with nature and other human beings. A sane world implies where there is right relationship. Right relationship means to respond with love and care. Unfortunately human beings are not living that way.

The significant problems that we face arise out of numerous conflicts arising out of human relationships. Any type of conflict brings about pain, misery and sorrow. There is conflict between husband and wife, between parent and child, between one group and another. There is enormous confusion, violence, brutalities, the wars, terrorism and endless division on the basis of religion and nationalities. There is also the problem of poverty, overpopulation and environmental degradation. All problems are interrelated and affect each and every human being in one way or the other. It is so obvious that when the children grow up they will be affected by the world in which they live.

Although each one of us is born with certain distinct physical and intellectual characteristics yet when we examine very carefully we will find that psychologically we are not different from each other. All human beings, irrespective of their color, caste, creed, religion and nationality are fearful, uncertain, feel insecure and face the same life of pleasure, pain and sorrow. Our perceptions and responses to challenges of life and our basic urges, desires, demands are similar. Our consciousness is shaped by the culture in which we live. Our mind gets influenced the same way. The society shapes the individual and the individuals create the society. The individual and the society are inseparable. If we are really concerned about the deterioration that is taking place in the world we must understand the nature of the human mind.

Our thinking determines the nature of our consciousness. Our thinking determines our actions. The ultimate source of our problems is in thought. Psychologically we are not different from each other because the process of our thinking is the same. Our own thinking is responsible for the existing state of the world. We can very safely say that the mind that we have inherited and the mind that has been shaped by the society is man made mind. If there is lack of clarity in our thinking and if there irrationality in our thinking it will inevitably create the monstrous society in which we live. There is only one question that we need to answer. Can we be free of the old, rotten, traditional mind and create a new mind?

In order for that to happen we must understand the existing framework of mind and in the process of self-enquiry and self-examination eradicate from our mind all thinking that is based on false premises and all thinking that is contradictory and therefore creates confusion in the mind and conflict in human relationship. Love, compassion, goodness and generosity are the key factors that can bring about a healthy and harmonious relationship. Love is not a process of thought. The action of love has no motive. The mind that is in state of love is a religious mind. When love expresses itself through our hearts we experience a state of bliss. Without love life has very little meaning. Is it possible for us to bring that quality of love in our life so that the future generations can also live in peace and harmony?

We would like the readers to actively participate in the dialogue so that we may together explore this vast and complex territory called the mind and find out the root cause of our problems. We can examine the existing framework of the mind only when we are in pure state of observation. Our observation should be objective, free from bias, prejudice, opinion, judgment or conclusion. Only such a mind can see things as they actually are. Human beings do have this capability if they are willing to exercise it. No problem can be understood without clarity of perception. Clarity of perception facilitates the operation of intelligence which is the basic instrument to wipe out the mess that man has created.